


An Unfortunate Feast

by Locastil



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Crack, Cumbersmaug, M/M, Multi, Smauglock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 11:49:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/661674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Locastil/pseuds/Locastil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo knew not where he was or who he was with when he woke up, all he knew was he had a huge hangover. He comes to find he has shared his night with Thranduil, the Party King, and Smaug, the supposed to be dead dragon. What DID happen last night? And why was he not that upset about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unfortunate Feast

**Author's Note:**

> I do not in any way own The Hobbit movie or book, or any characters affiliated with it.   
> This is what happens when a Party King cosplayer, CumberSmaug cosplayer, and Bilbo cosplayer share a bed XD

Consciousness came slowly for Bilbo. His head throbbed and his body felt like he had fallen down a mountain. He groaned as he snuggled into the warmth behind him. He was getting too old for all of these shenanigans. The warmth behind Bilbo gave a soft, low growl, sounding more like a purr. Bilbo’s eyes shot open as he launched himself off the bed. There, beside where Bilbo had previous been sleeping, lay Smaug, in his human form. On Smaug’s other side laid Thranduil, the famed Party King. 

At his sudden absence, both men on the bed shifted. Thranduil grumbled something under his breath about it being, “too damn early for Bilbo’s sexual crisis,” while Smaug turned on his back to look at Bilbo. He examined Bilbo. A knowing look came into his eyes while a smirk graced his lips. 

“Come back to bed Bilbo. It is still only morning.”

As Bilbo gazed into Smaug’s icy blue eyes, the events of the night before came back to him. He had been at a party, a celebration of sorts…oh yes! It was to celebrate the defeat of Smaug! Which was slightly confusing, considering the dragon was currently 5 feet away from him at the moment. 

So Bilbo was at a feast to celebrate Smaug’s defeat, and he had been drinking…a lot. In fact, he was pretty smashed. After having a pint too many, he excused himself outside to take a leak. He had just finished when he heard a noise. Bilbo followed the sounds to the side of the Inn to find Thranduil, Party King Extraordinaire, making out quite heavily with some who looked quite a lot like Smaug in his human form. 

Bilbo frowned in confusion and moved a little closer. On one hand he wanted to make sure he was not hallucinating, on the other hand, the whole scene was quite arousing. Thranduil had one of Smaug’s legs hoisted up and bent against the Party King’s waist as he ground the dragon into the wall. One of Smaug’s hands dug into Thranduil’s hair, doing his best ot shove his tongue down the Party King’s throat. 

Bilbo couldn’t stop the turned on gasp that left his throat, alerting both men to his presence. Thranduil quickly separated himself from Smaug, smoothing his clothing and fixing his crown. Smaug glared at the hobbit, before he realized just who it was that caught them. He smirked as he fixed his clothing and sauntered over to the hobbit.

Bilbo blinked drunkenly, “You know Thrandy, your mate here looks exactly like Smaug! You’re not his twin are you?” 

Smaug looks at Thranduil before they both start to chuckle. “No Bilbo, it is I, Smaug, in the flesh and blood.”

“That’s absurd. We all saw that arrow kill you.” Bilbo scoffed. 

“Well you see Watson my dear, it was quite simple. Before I jumped, we placed a trash truck full of garbage where I planned to-,” Smaug began.

“Darling, wrong fandom.” Thranduil drawled before looking at Bilbo, “Dear Bilbo, do you really think that between I, a high and powerful elf, and Smaug, one of the greatest dragons of all time, that I could not easily ensure he never die or that we could not fake his death?” 

Bilbo looked at the two, confused and stunned. Both Thranduil and Smaug rolled their eyes before grabbing him by his upper arms.

“Well, we cannot risk his drunk self leaking our secret,” Smaug said.

Thranduil nodded, “Obviously, we will have to take him with us.”

Smaug shrugged, “I have no qualms with that. Bilbo, you will be spending your night with us.” 

As soon as they got to their room, Smaug and Thranduil threw Bilbo onto the bed. Bilbo grunted and bounced as he hit the mattress. Thranduil and Smaug immediately started ripping their clothing off, boot landing beside the bed, shirts flying to land on a side chair, and finally trousers dropping on the floor. Bilbo was not surprised to find neither man wore any kind of underwear.

Smaug grabbed Thranduil for a quick but deep kiss before he pulled Bilbo, by his trousers, to the edge of the bed. He made fast work of pulling Bilbo’s trousers off before shucking Bilbo’s shirt off to some dark corner of the room. 

Bilbo could hear Thranduil leave the room, naked and all, but he could not focus much as to what Thranduil was doing considering the delicious attention Smaug was giving him. Smaug gave Bilbo’s body a quick inspection, studying the soft blonde curls on his head, his pink thin lips, his lightly haired chest, which was toned under a soft layer of pale flesh, his flat waist and hips, his beautifully toned thighs and calves, and finally to his big furry feet. Bilbo was struck by the soft look in Smaug’s eyes as he traced his fingers over Bilbo’s lips, down his throat, through the soft hair on his chest, to the soft curls situated right above his cock. Bilbo would have called the look fondness? Adoration? But then the Party King cleared his throat, ripping Smaug’s attention and gaze to him. 

The Partt King had a small pouch in his hand and a raised eyebrow at Smaug. Thranduil tossed the pouch to Smaug, who caught it with ease. He rolled to sit beside Bilbo on the bed. Thranduil came to stand in front of Bilbo, scrutinizing him as Smaug pulled a vial out of the pouch with a clear liquid in it. 

Bilbo’s eyes widened with both shock and lust as he watched Smaug roll onto his hands and knees, pour some o the liquid onto his fingers, and slipping on of his fingers into himself. 

“You see hobbit, Smaug and I were planning to do some celebrating tonight ourselves. I had not expected your joining us, but my darling dragon seems ecstatic at the idea, so I shall let this go. You will watch as I fuck my dragon into this bed, while if he chooses, he give you what I assume will be the best fellatio of your life.”

Bilbo, not taking his eyes off of Smaug, nodded dumbly. Smaug smirked at Bilbo, now thrusting three fingers into himself, spreading them each time he pulled them out. Thranduil grabbed the vial from Smaug and slicked up his now aching member. 

Smaug, sensing Thranduil’s annoyance and impatience, removed his finger and urged Bilbo to sit against the headboard. Bilbo quickly obeyed him, just as eager as the other two to get tonight’s events going. Smaug fit himself on his hands and knee in front of Bilbo, leaning his front on Bilbo’s lap. He looked back at Thranduil with a smirk and wiggled his ass. 

Thranduil snorted before joining the two on the bed. He positioned himself behind Smaug before sliding in fully in one go. Smaug let out a breath of air, which seemed to blow directly on Bilbo’s cock.

Bilbo groaned and slipped his fingers into Smaug’s red curls ushering him to his cock. Smaug gave a short laugh, which was cut short as Thranduil start a slow but hard rhythm, hitting Smaug’s prostate with each thrust. Smaug groaned and gripped the sheets, trying to focus on Bilbo’s cock. He finally leant down and took Bilbo’s cock into his mouth, starting by trailing his tongue around and over the head. Bilbo grunted and bucked his hips. Smaug allowed Bilbo to thrust the head of his cock into his mouth, laving it with his tongue, occasionally slipping his tongue into the slit. 

Bilbo bit his lip, trying to hold his embarrassing groans in. Smaug nipped at Bilbo’s cock, glaring at him for keeping the noise to himself. Bilbo gasped and tightened his hold on Smaug’s hair, taking the hint. He gently thrust himself into Smaug’s mouth, slightly surprised Smaug let him. What surprised him more was that Smaug could deep throat, and quite well at that. In fact, Bilbo had his entire length in Smaug’s mouth and throat. Bilbo couldn’t stop his thrusts or groans at this point as he fucked Smaug’s mouth. 

“Oh fuck-Smaug-perfect fucking dragon mouth-god yes,” Bilbo rambled. 

On the other end, Thranduil choked out a laugh, grinding out a “told you so” to Bilbo as he lost himself in Smaug’s heat, which was clenching beautifully around him. Thranduil could tell the dragon was close, but he wasn’t going to let him cum just yet. He had other plans. 

Thranduil wrapped his hand around the base of Smaug’s cock, making sure he was unable to cum. Smaug whimpered, which had Bilbo crying out at the vibrations around his cock. 

“You-.” Thranduil panted, “are not allowed to cum until I tell you,” he said to both of them. 

Smaug, obviously being turned on by the idea, tightened involuntarily around Thranduil, which was just enough to make the Party King cum. Thranduil came with a scrambled cry of Smaug’s name on his lips. He thrust into Smaug’s tight body a few more times before grabbing Bilbo’s hands and pulling them out of Smaug’s hair. 

Bilbo looked at Thranduil in confusion and gave a disappointed cry as Thranduil pulled Smaug off of Bilbo’s cock and rolled Smaug onto his back. Thranduil sat against the headboard on the otherwise of Smaug. He rolled his eyes at Bilbo and motioned between Smaug’s legs. 

“All right little one, give the dragon a ride,” Thranduil said. 

Smaug looked at Thranduil with annoyance, having figured out the Party King’s plan awhile earlier. Bilbo looked at them both with a mixture of shock and like it was his birthday. He scrambled, as quickly as possible in his drunken and aroused state, to get between Smaug’s legs. He looked about for the vial of lubricant, but Thranduil stopped him.

“He is slick enough. I assure you.” 

Bilbo looked at Thranduil then at Smaug hesitatingly. Smaug rolled his eyes and gave Bilbo a nod. Bilbo grabbed Smaug’s legs at his knees, wrapping them around his waist, and gently slipped inside of the dragon. Both Bilbo and Smaug groaned. Bilbo looked at Smaug, who nodded in encouragement, before Bilbo began a fast and hard pace. 

Smaug arched his back and look at Thranduil with wide eyes. It was not that he had not noticed that Bilbo’s cock was longer and thinner than the Party King’s, but he definitely had not considered the pros to such a change. Whereas Thranduil’s cock was thick and filled him in all of the right ways, Bilbo’s reached further inside of him, grinding things that had never been stimulated before. 

Thranduil looked down at Smaug, clearly amused. “You both may come whenever,” he drawled, wrapping a lazy hand around Smaug’s cock. 

Smaug panted wildly, thrusting both into Thranduil’s hand and down against Bilbo’s cock. It only took a mixture of a few thrusts and strokes to bring Smaug over the edge, gasping a mixture of Thranduil and Bilbo’s name. Bilbo immediately followed after Smaug, coming harder than he ever had in his life. He practically collapsed on top of Smaug after he emptied himself inside of the dragon. 

Bilbo promptly proceeded to pass out, which had both the Party King and the dragon laughing. Thranduil handed Smaug a piece of cloth as Smaug moved Bilbo off and out of him. Smaug cleaned both Bilbo and himself up, Thranduil already having done so. Smaug then lay back down, but this time on his side, facing Bilbo. He positioned Bilbo onto his side, so they were chest to back. 

Thranduil slotted in behind Smaug, spooning tightly against his back. Smaug wrapped an arm around and under Bilbo’s chest. Thranduil laid an arm over both Smaug and Bilbo. Smaug and Thranduil’s hand intertwined over Bilbo’s chest as they both slipped into the world of sleep. 

Bilbo shook his head, coming back to reality. Smaug was staring at him with those piercing eyes. Bilbo sighed and shrugged, why the hell not? He slipped back into his position spooned by Smaug, who enveloped him in his warmth as they all fell back asleep.


End file.
